The Gundam Pilot's MasterCard Commercial
by grisabele
Summary: What started as a spoof of MasterCard has evolved into...a spoof of many other corporations. Yay!
1. The Original Ad

The Gundam Pilot's MasterCard Commercial  
  
  
  
*shot of Quatre fighting and wearing those cute goggles* Pilot's goggles: $50.  
  
*scene shifts to Treize getting blown up by Wufei* Funeral Arrangements: $15,000.  
  
*scene shifts to Heero pointing a gun at Relena* Preparing to kill your tormentor: Priceless.  
  
There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's the Gundam Pilot's MasterCard. Accepted anywhere not under OZ or White Fang Control. 


	2. The Insanity....CONTINUES!!

The Insanity...CONTINUES!!  
  
Making fun of the Outlander  
  
***  
  
*Heero drives up to the drive-thru in this black Outlander, Quatre and Duo are with him, Relena is the server*  
  
Heero: Umm..can we all just have a coffee?  
  
Relena: *stares at the SUV* Take me with you!  
  
Heero: What?  
  
Relena: I wanna go to Egypt, see the pyramids, get in touch with my roots!  
  
Quatre: Hey, you're not Egyptian...  
  
Relena: Shut up, blondie!  
  
Quatre: What..?  
  
Duo: Ignore her, Quatre...she doesn't know what she's talking about.  
  
Heero: Uh...I think we can get a coffee someplace else, thanks anyways..  
  
Relena: Wait! I'm rich, I can pay for camels! I don't mind severe heat! I--  
  
Heero: *drives off anyways*  
  
Relena: Damn! I was so close, too!  
  
***  
  
Geico..the insanity knows no limits!  
  
***  
  
Duo: A testimonial is generally used to tell about how great a business is. We're on the phone right now with a real live Geico customer, Wufei. Wufei, give us a testimonial.  
  
Wufei: Do I have to?  
  
Duo: Yes, you have to.  
  
Wufei: But my lines are so corny!  
  
Duo: Let me introduce you to a concept...it's called ab-libbing!  
  
Wufei: Oh, okay then...Of all the Gundams I've piloted, Shenlong is the best!  
  
Duo: There you have it! A testimo-wait, did he say Shenlong was the best? NO WAY! DEATHSCYTHE IS BETTER!  
  
Wufei: NO, SHENLONG!  
  
Duo: NO, DEATHSCYTHE!  
  
Wufei: SHENLONG'S BETTER!  
  
Duo: NO DEATHSCYTHE'S BETTER!  
  
Heero: No way, Wing ZERO's better than both of 'em.  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Quatre: WAIT! SANDROCK CUSTOM IS THE BEST!  
  
Treize: Why are we arguing about this? It is obvious that Epyon is superior to all of you Gundams...  
  
Zechs: I concur.  
  
Author: WHEN DID A CAR INSURANCE AD TURN INTO AN ARGUMENT ABOUT WHOSE GUNDAM WAS THE BEST!?  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Treize: Just now.  
  
Author: Well, quit, you look very unprofessional.  
  
Quatre: Hey, aren't you inserting yourself?  
  
Author: Well, technically yes...  
  
Quatre: HANG HER! SHE HAS INSERTED HERSELF IN THE STORY!  
  
Wing-boys: *grab author, grab rope and take her to the nearest tall tree*  
  
Author: You can't hang me! I AM THE ALL POWERFUL AUTHOR!  
  
Duo: Oh, we're only gonna hang you by you feet...  
  
Author: *magically turns all the Wing-boys into pink fluffy bunnies*  
  
Treize: Pink fluffy bunnies?  
  
Author: *turns Treize into a pink fluffy bunny, too*  
  
Zechs: MERCY! MERCY!  
  
Author: *turns Zechs into a carrot* Ah, safe at last....Oh, no! Is he a carrot? Ooopss..*changes Zechs into a purple fluffy bunny*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Okay, may that got a little bit TOO insane...but heaven knows, it was fun!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam and I don't own any of these companies...but man, it sure is great to make funn of their ads! 


	3. Even more Insanity...MWAHAHA!

More Insanity!!  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
Author's Note: I'm really, really, really sorry about turning them into pink fluffy bunnies, but, hey, a girl has to have fun SOMEHOW, now doesn't she?  
  
Disclaimer crap: I don't own Gundam Wing. Nor do I own Geico, American Express, or any of the other companies whose ads I'm about to parody. And please don't sue me, I'm broke from buying anime!!  
  
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Wufei: You've got to be kidding! Another Geico ad?  
  
Author: Yup.  
  
Trowa: .....  
  
Quatre: Trowa's still mad about being turned into a pink fluffy bunny.  
  
Duo: I will never deny the power of an insane author again. Especially not her! *points at the author of this messed up little story*  
  
Author: GOOD! Now, let's get this ad started!  
  
----------  
  
Heero: *walks out to check mail, opens car insurance bill*  
  
*music starts...followed by chirping crickets*  
  
Author: Well?  
  
Heero: Do I have to?  
  
Author: Yes, you have to. Unless you want to be made into something worse than a PINK, FLUFFY, BUNNY!! *laughs as Heero cringes at the mere thought*  
  
Heero: Okay then...*flat, emotionless voice* I'm so happy, I'm floating on Cloud Nine. I'm so happy, until the end of time...*is joined by Quatre, Duo, Wufei, Zechs, and Treize who also got lower car insurance bills and are singing in fake, overly happy voices.*  
  
Quatre, Duo,Wufei, Zechs, and Treize: I'm so happy! I'm floating on Cloud Nine! I'm so happy--*line up in chorus line* Can-can can you do the can-can? *They all continue singing the Can-can song and doing the can-can*  
  
Heero: Oh my God...*twitch, twitch*  
  
Trowa: *sitting up in tree* Now that's happy, bay-bee!  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Oh lookie! Another credit card ad!  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
Relena: *is shopping with a Visa card, puts the stuff she's trying to buy on the counter...incindentally, the counter Heero's working at.* Here, can I pay for these here?  
  
Heero: No, you can't.  
  
Relena: Why not? My card is-  
  
Heero: Your card is no dang good! We don't TAKE Visas! *points to a sign*  
  
Relena: Oh, dear....  
  
Quatre: You shoulda used American Express!  
  
Duo: Yeah! It's accepted in more places than Visa!  
  
Wufei: Stupid woman...*tries to leave shop, sets off alarm* Crap!  
  
Sally: How could you? I can't believe you'd shoplift! Noin, Une...take him downtown!  
  
*Noin and Une grab Wufei's arms and drag him away*  
  
Wufei: NO! I SHALL NOT BE SO UNCEREMONIUSLY DRAGGED OFF BY THESE WEAK WOMEN!!  
  
Une: Can it, Wu-man.  
  
Noin: Yeah! We only look weak! *hits Wufei*  
  
Wufei: THAT'S POLICE BRUTALITY!!  
  
Noin: *shoves Wufei into the cop car and drives off*  
  
Une: Hey! Wait for me!  
  
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Making fun of Wendy's  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Trowa: *walks into restraunt on a cold snowy day*  
  
Duo: What can I get you?  
  
Trowa: Chili.  
  
Duo: Chilly? Yeah, we know it's chilly out there, pal...  
  
Trowa: No, you airhead! I want a freakin' bowl of chili!  
  
Duo: Geez! Calm down! *puts on heavy rubber boots* Let's go to Wendy's! *jumps over counter, grabs Trowa by the arm, and shouts "Treize, I'm on break!" before dragging Trowa off*  
  
*Little blurb about how you can get chili and stuff at Wendy's for 99 cents*  
  
*Scene shifts, Duo is now behind the counter again as Sylvia Noventa walks in*  
  
Sylvia Noventa: Umm...baked potato?  
  
Duo: I'd go to Wendy's with ya, but I just ate.  
  
Sylvia: *slaps Duo and leaves*  
  
Treize: Dude, I think she likes you!  
  
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Have you ever seen that Halls cough drop ad?  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Heero: *cough, cough, wheeze, wheeze*  
  
*camera moves and we see Trowa breathing this cold frosty air down Heero's neck*  
  
Duo: Don't let old man winter slow you down! You need Halls defense with Vitamin C!  
  
*Quatre shows up, wearing an American football uniform that says "Halls Defense". He runs at Trowa and...stops*  
  
Quatre: Please, don't make me jump him!  
  
Author: Too bad, I'm going to...unless you want to be PINK FLUFFY BUNNIES again!  
  
*All cringe*  
  
Quatre: Okay, then...*starts running at Trowa* I don't believe in violence! I don't believe in violence! *runs into Trowa and knocks him into a window* Oh, dear...TROWA!!  
  
Heero: *blink, blink* Omae o korosu, Gurizabera, Omae o korosu...  
  
Author: I'll bet you say that to ALL the girls...  
  
Duo: He does, actually.  
  
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1-800-CALL-ATT  
  
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Trowa: *on ice, wearing this hockey uniform and standing by a pay phone*  
  
Author: Well?  
  
Trowa: *flat, emotionless voice* You can make collect calls free for you and cheap for them by dialing down the center and calling 1-800-CALL-ATT. Did I mention it was free for you and cheap for them?  
  
*Une skates up, dressed as a referee*  
  
Une: Bad Acting! That's a penalty!  
  
Trowa: HEY! I THOUGHT I WAS DOING JUST FREAKING FINE, THANKS!  
  
Une: Harassing the ref! Get to the penalty box!!  
  
Trowa: Why don't you MAKE ME?!  
  
Une: Noin! C'mere and help me get this idiot into the penalty box!  
  
Trowa: Okay, okay, I'm going!!  
  
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McDonald's Ad  
  
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Duo: *reading newspaper* Hmm...Treize is injured and can't fight with Wufei..  
  
Zechs: I must go! *walks away*  
  
Relena's voice: Any excuse is a good one to get to McDonald's--  
  
Heero's voice: Shut it! Shut it! Shut it!  
  
Relena's voice: Hee-chan!  
  
Heero's voice: I've been waiting a long time for this...  
  
Relena's voice: Yes, Hee-chan, I'll marry you!  
  
Heero's voice: Say good-bye! *sound of gunshot, followed by Heero's insane laughter*  
  
Duo: That was disturbing. *sees Zechs has walked back in* So, where's Wufei's head on a platter?  
  
Zechs: Oh...*walks back out*  
  
*Heero's insane laughter continues*  
  
Duo: Will you quit the laughing, Heero? It's very disturbing!!  
  
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I'm stopping there. Before I get really weird.  
  
Please don't be offendedd. This is all humorous!!  
  
By the way, fudgy marshmallow cookies for those who review!  
  
*puts a platter of cookies on table for those who reviewed already* 


	4. MWAHAHA...

Just HAD to do this ad!  
*************************************  
A/N: I saw this ad the other day, and I just HAD to parody it! I don't quite remember all of it, though.  
*************************************************  
(The scene: A job interview. Treize is interviewing Wufei for a job)  
Wufei: That's a nice tie you have there, Mr. Dumbass! I'm really good around people, Mr. Dumbass! *this continues for another 10 minutes* So, do I get the job, Mr. Dumbass?  
  
Treize: *blank stare, points to name card on his desk* It's Kushrenada. Where the freak did you get "Dumbass"?!  
  
Wufei: Oh....well, you are...  
  
*Announcer chick rambles on about A & W*  
  
Wufei: *runs away from an angry kriss-brandishing Treize*  
  
Sally: NOW who's the weak one, hotshot? 


End file.
